What is this "Community" that we seek?
Unraveling this modern buzzword for the real-world.
You say you want “Community”
Capital “C”, always. Everybody claims to desire one. Each and every business wants a “Community” surrounding them. That actually means a pool of customers willing to be loyal without asking too many questions.
We all say we want to be part of a Community. When it’s time to show up, though, the excuses abound. Trash cleanup on a Saturday morning? uh, no. Fun happy hour? Hell YES. But now somebody is asking me to help them move a couch or watch their child the next day? That’s not the part I wanted. Eww. That doesn’t benefit me.
That is not my experience in Community, though. At least not lately. Growing up, I don’t recall any Community. I never visited my neighbors or called them by name despite living on a bus route in Blacksburg. Now, I happily hang out with the neighbor kids most every time I leave my front door.
Now? You all? Holy…Community! We got it here, in Christiansburg. Some days I’m at a loss to even know how it could get better. Sure, we need a coffee shop downtown. The boarded-up buildings and lazy owners need ousted. The cars need to go. But that person-to-person connectedness that is the “Community” that I believe everyone says they strive for is here.
Someday, I might get brave enough to talk directly about the loneliness epidemic, especially among my fellow men. Not today. You’d hate what I have to say.
What I can offer is some more microscopic and actionable perspectives:
Events are not the answer.
Can we agree to cut the shit on this one? Events are generally thinly-veiled endeavors at capitalistic advancement. People see through it and, even more simply, are too busy to care.
In Community work, events are the golden ticket. More events! That’s Community! If you send out a survey, that’s what people will say. Try it out.
How, then, do we reconcile with that fact that every day of the week, there are three competing events for every hour we have? Even in our little small town, it’s true. I love the ones that are a weekly habit but there’s just no room for more. A “yes” to one is already a “no” to the rest. That’s nothing to say of time to clean the house or, god forbid, rest.
We ruined our communities with roadways.
I’ll keep this one quick and spare you too much car hate on this post. Check my others for plenty of that. However, we’ve given our Communities up to cars.
Those four lane asphalt death traps that crisscross our communities ruined them. Instead of walking past a neighbor’s beautiful garden or biking beside them on your commute to work, we stuck ourselves in metal cages and decided we hate every other person in a car on the road and especially despise those brave enough to walk or bike on the periphery.
Narrow the roads, slow down the cars, ride the bike, and if you’re able, walk to wherever you need to go and leave parking spots open for those among us that can’t walk or ride a bicycle.
Community inconveniences are part of the fun.
I had to learn this one. This has since become a household mantra. It’s not all fun but that’s the important part of this Community thing. Friends are coming over to help us move a hot tub this evening. I’m sorry. And I owe you.
We can accept that many parts of Community are inconvenient or annoying while understanding that those are the important parts.
My big dogs licking you and slobbering your pants are obnoxious.
Yes, my floors are always dirty but I’m really happy you stopped by on your way home.
Your kids scream way too much and they make everything sticky.
I really don’t want to run your charity 5K at 8am on my Saturday morning.
Showing up to town council meetings on a Tuesday night ruin the whole evening.
I’m going to cuss so hard when your bees sting me while I’m mowing, Daniel.
I love all that stuff. It’s so important that those sticky kids grow up knowing that people love them. If we don’t show up to Town Council, the developer that couldn’t care less about us wins. He’s counting on us to skip that 7pm meeting.
Lean into the inconvenience.
Smaller acts are community magic.
I don’t buy for a moment that events are the answer to Community. Nor are social media platforms, conferences with expensive speakers from far away, or marketing campaigns that swear your tiny retail business cares about the community around it. You want to sell your inventory. That makes sense.
The small acts are the magic ones. The evenings spent on front porches or the times you remember that you’re allowed to just pick up the phone and call someone.
Give your neighbors flowers.
Find their unlocked car door and throw some zucchini in there.
Show up when your friend says they made too much food.
Throw a book in the little library and put food in the box that the church puts out.
Can we actually do this one (!!!): get your musical friends together and invite the neighborhood over to hang out on a Friday evening.
What do YOU want?
The important part and the one I really want some responses on, if you’re at all willing: what do you want out of “Community” and where do we fall short? It’s clear that as a society, we aren’t succeeding at it. Division runs rampant and I’m not even sure we can claim “us and them” at this point—it’s starting to seem like everyone just hates “them”, whoever they are.
The Community is here, though, and it’s strong. I want to build what works. I have some answers, a few years of success under my belt, and an enthusiasm for this work that I’m convinced doesn’t burn out.
Just tell me what to do.